The Day After I got Sodomized

Imagine you had a girlfriend and all you did was see the good in her. You never saw a flaw, never fought with her, she could do no wrong. You know how fucking shitty that relationship with be? People are never questioning Sir Alex, never questioning the team. Nah fuck that. When my alarm rings at 7am in the fucking morning and I wake my ass up to see us thump Liverpool. Our fucking side was comparable to that of an MLS roster. With Welbeck up front and everyone else doing fuck all for 70 fucking minutes. We were lucky. We been lucky playing like absolute shit for the last month. So complacent, so unmotivated, so disinterested. Fuck you Manchester United for fucking Me. Wake up 8:30 the next week thinking today is going to be a new day. Damn right it was, I got fucked up my ass like I never felt before (no homo.) 6-1, when stupid cunt fucking Jonny decided to be lazy and the team gave up.

To make matters worse you got fuck boy James Sharman asking why fans are leaving. They paid their money, they traveled, they brought their colors and their support. It's 3-0 with 20 minutes to go and our side has offered NOTHING the entire fucking game. Why stay? It's the equivalent of a 10-0 ball game in the bottom of the 7th, who the fuck cares what the fan does. Everybody always concerned with the fans, everybody always concerned with Arsenal, or when Chelsea shits the bed, when we do it people blame the fans, the kit-man, or we look at Liverpool for consolation. No fuck that, SAF has got it wrong for a bit now, tinkering with the fucking lineup. We have Berbatov who is rotting away on the bench never for who knows what. We got a defense that was turned inside out and we got mauled by a squad who were 1000x better than us. I could admit that, with a 26 goal differential and the absolute mauling we were handed at this point in time City are better than us, I don't believe that will last but action speaks louder than words. 

We were fucking shit. As fans we invest in the team expecting some sort of return, these past 2 weeks it has been anything but. SAF has gotten it wrong yet again and I am not afraid to question this team when shit goes wrong. It's like God, I blame that nigga for the good and wrong in my life. It's like a girlfriend, we argue we love, we fight, we fuss but it's all love. Same goes for you, United. Fuck you for wasting my time. Next week when you destroy Everton, we'll kiss and make up. I rather have had Steve Jobs out there than most of you against City, it is what it is. Life sucks and you fucking move on. Well done City, had the score been reversed I would have been all over you. We need to get our shit together and United are the only ones to blame, like history suggests we'll turn it around, but until then, fuck you for fucking me. See you next week.

Ps: Even though I'm on the receiving end, Six and The City, is pretty good slander, I could admit that.

Word

Watch this

An Open Letter to the People of Liverpool

Before we begin if you want to hear my sexy voice on the Craig Ballard Sportstalk show click here, I'm at the 26th-30th min mark and you could check out his show every Thursday from 9-10 : bit.ly/nICV8p

Also check out this link: The Real Liverpool

You know I've realized, I haven't been true to myself. I haven't stated my true opinion on how I feel about things/people for a long time, so here goes. Tomorrow Liverpool faces Manchester United, a rivalry that has gone back to the times when Shakespeare was a faggot in tights. But it goes deeper than that, Here goes: 

To the People of Liverpool that reside in Toronto,

If Toronto is any reflection who you really are, then I truly feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for you, your kids, the wide, putrid-smelling hole you came true. I feel sorry for your neighbors and the people who have to tolerate you at work. You are nothing more than scum. Tomorrow, win or lose, Manchester United will be just fine. But you, Liverpudlians will still be suffering. You will still have people claiming your city in fake accents at Toronto FC games. You will still have people on message boards who say they have something for me when we meet, but everytime I see them they always extend a handshake. You will still be dying for the acceptance of others.

People die everyday. We all remember what happened to us in Munich, we honor the dead once a year and move on. Of course that doesn't happen in Liverpool. Every fucking day we have to hear about Hillsborough or Heysel to the point where the dead probably don't want to here you cry about it. Boo fucking whoo, a stadium collapsed and 96 people lost their lives in 1985. Nigga, a billion people died when the towers collapsed and we don't hear about that shit everyday. What the fuck is wrong with you inbreds. Justice for 96 nigga please get off the government benefits and get a job. But you won't, you can be located at Anfield Stadium, or for whatever reason Toronto FC messageboards. Crying because I dissed your ugly wives or told you she should use mouth wash because she gets passed around.

You're more concerned with what United thinks than you are concerned about winning. You are a shred of what you once were, barely capable of calling yourself a human being because you just don't fit in. You're a failure, a loser, a reject. You know who most of you Liverpudlians are. You know how once every blue moon there's a chick in Walmart bout 400lbs and she rides the handicap cart even though she isn't handicapped. You're the type to take that chick to the bathroom of Walmart, undress her, toss her salad, give her a hug and call it a day. You people are the type who ask your old ladies to do you with a strap on. You're the type who think you're in a relationship with someone because she "liked your post" on facebook.

Tomorrow, win or lose nothing will change. You'll always be who you are, it isn't an exception instead it's the norm. You'll always be insecure, trying to fit in with other like-minded individuals like yourself. You could be found at TFC games cheering for a team that is going 0-32, meanwhile your wife is sucking the dick of 5 African niggas, all named "Abdi and Solomon." You'll always have that elitist ideology failing to come to the realization that you're actually a part of society's lowest. You will always feel the need to re-establish your presence by singing "You'll Never Walk Alone" failing to realize that Rodgers and Hammerstein wrote that song for people in same-sex relationships who like to partake in beastiality. Liverpool, you will remain nothing more than scum and so will your kids and their kids and their kids. It's written in the scriptures, all your mothers fucked Sloth's ancestors from the Goonies and this is what happened.

Reggie, Ryan and KD all void from slander lmao it don't apply to them, peace.

This really happened

Man I must have really done something bad in a previous life. You know I make a conscious effort not to complain but shit now all I do is saw "wow." Bad investments, terrible grades, deaths you name it, it has all happened in the last month. But this right here sums it up. See I don't know how I could even put what I'm about to say into any sense. It's shit like this I've been dealing with on a daily basis.

In Trinidad we have this thing called "Obeah" and its practiced by I'd say 1% of the population. Pretty much voodoo/black magic. None of my family or anything do this shit but that's just something that a bunch of weird folks follow. A full explanation of obeah can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obeah

So today I'm at the fam's house running errands, back and forth trips to the airport etc. Man I havent had a good meal in forever, scrambled tofu today was what I made this morning and I lived off it. Anyway as you can see I'm busy and worn out. But a relative, I'd like to say a Great Uncle, I know we related but I don't know how, well he was close with my deceased cousin. He said he wanted to go to the crematorium to finalize the arrangements and blah blah blah. No worries I been doing this all day, my mom asks me to take him. I live on the East side of Toronto. I stop eating the tofu which really tastes terrible but it's the best thing I had in days so I was enjoying that shit. Anyways I stopped eating it, get in the car and drive to the west side. Pick the dude up, and we drive to Newmarket, Ontario to the crematorium place. Newmarket is fucking far man. 

Dude said he'd only be a minute so I said alright I'll wait in the car. An hour passed dude's no where to be found. I figure I'll go look for him, I go inside the place and ask where is he at. The lady said there was no one by that name who came here today. I'm thinking what the fuck. I go to the cemetery next door. I see him doing something in a corner of the cemetery. I'm thinking what the fuck. There he is, digging a hole, and as I get there he smashes an egg into a sock and throws the eggs and the sock into the hole. I yell at him like dude what the fuck are you doing. He was doing some ritual pertaining to obeah. Words can't describe how angry I am. On top of the shitty 54% mark I got today on something those dumbfucks should have given me a 70% for, I drive for hours so this nigga could crack eggs in a sock and throw it into a hole. Think of the shit I could have got in with the cemetery. Unbelievable. Hours of fucking traffic so this dude could do that. It's so bad all I could do is say "wow" and laugh, lmao surely this is rock bottom, I hope.

What's in A Life

My cousin passed away on Sunday. I appreciate all the love and support that was sent my way these last few days. Even the cliche "I'm sure he was a good man." Truth is he wasn't, I'm pretty sure he spent half his life locked up for murder but no one ever talks bout that lmao so I don't either. If I'm God I think it's even a toss up if he made it into heaven lmao the fuck did he do besides possibly kill someone and rip people off selling shitty used car parts as new. Nah but I do appreciate all y'all have said to me these last few days. I don't really care to talk about it though, I want to talk about sandwiches. See the picture on the left, you know how much that shit worth. $1100. Word. After being in and out of funeral homes and stuff this weekend making arrangements and stuff with his son, the funeral home charges $1100 for sandwiches/refreshments after the funeral. 

You know how much shit I could buy with $1100. Oh and if you want to get burned in clothes that ain't the standard crematorium stuff it's $1800. If you want flowers it's another 4 bills. That's 3300 just to start, or like 18 prostitutes for an hour, using standard rates lmao. I'll miss the nigga though, he used to spit knowledge, real life shit. He was like me, a dude who never listened to his own advice, ever, but gave the best of it. The dude still aint worth $1100 for sandwiches though. The whole funeral shit is useless by the way, well at least for people from the Caribbean. I don't know how it is in other cultures but over here it's a party for like 1-2 weeks. Which is cool but ain't no body who really misses the dude feels like partying. You got a bunch of rejects coming into the crib, drinking your beer, eating cheese-paste sandwiches and playing music, for "support" of the dead. 

The nigga's dead and gone he don't need your support. The family is grieving they don't need you. When I die I'm requesting they carry my body to science somewhere or just blow it up and put it on youtube. I don't want any money to be spent on me, I want some twisted fuck to take it and either give it to a university to cut up and shit, or do something cool with it like blow it up. I don't want to become worm food and after being in a funeral home this weekend I want to be far the fuck away from everyone else. I was thinking, why the fuck would I need a funeral. I hate conformity, I hate organized settings, fuck all that shit. Don't mind me lmao I'm just venting nonsense taking my mind off the inevitable. I don't even own a fucking suit I gotta go get one. I wish I could rock a pimp suit but I'd have even more problems with my mom lmao, I'm out y'all, stay safe and remember, sandwiches cost $1100 when you're dead so enjoy the fuck out of them now.

Random Thoughts from a Drunken Rambler

It's 3:30am and I'm up. For starters I'm wasted and trying to not make spelling mistakes. I'm sitting here watching Rugby. I don't know how Rugby works, I get a bit of it but I'm up because McDonalds breakfast doesn't start til 6, so I figure I could watch this for 2 hours, walk the 2 miles to McDonalds, have breakfast and walk home. Anyone know where I could get a stream to "Once Were Warriors." It's a New Zealand movie where dude beats the shit out of his wife and even though it hits close to home and bothers me I seriously want to see it again. I had a chocolate chip cookie the other day and it was amazing, not even a whole one but just a piece. What was amazing about this was how much happiness it brought me. 

Heaven in a bite. Seriously it ranks up there with the best things I've ever tasted, just pure perfection. Brought a smile to my face. I don't really fuck with the white people no more I need a new race to fuck with, send suggestions. I want a girl that doesn't speak English and just is a glorified "yes Sir" type of chick. Wouldn't that be amazing. Lil Caesars officially got the best pizza in the world, shit is lethal. It really is the small things in life. The smile from someone you didn't expect it from. The chocolate chip cookie, the "I love you" I get every single day of my life from people I've never even met. Feels great even on my worse days and I've had a my fair share of those.

Being wasted is only fun up until a certain point and then it's like jeez what the fuck did you do? Its been years since I had tap-water, fuck I'm really becoming white. Tap water tastes like aids, I don't care if they say bottled water is more dangerous it don't taste like ass. This weather sucks, like seriously. Dark cold and miserable, like most of these girls in Toronto lmao. Does Walmart sell Sushi? They did in Mexico and it was pretty fucking good, is Walmart even 24/7 here? I'd bus there right now to get some bomb ass sushi with the soy saurce and the green shit that tastes like ass when you have too much of it. Alright I'm out, too hard to type lmao peace. 

Curtains

I told y'all I don't give a fuck about my audience and this is one of those "oh no I think he's suicidal blogs." Trust me I'm not I'm just thinking, allow me to breathe niggas. The hardest things I've ever had to deal with in life is coming to the realization that things aren't the way I thought they were, are, or going to be. It has some sort of crippling effect, worse than dealing with death, divorce, or persecution. See there's causality in all those things, in the shit I'm trying to explain there really isn't. No cause and effect, just one day being forced with the reality that your reality wasn't really real in the first place. Damn I'm good. So you try to fight it, you stay occupied, you jump out of the past, you pretend it doesn't bother you but you can't get away. Until you're in some state where you're just there and everything is passing you by, but you're standing still. Fucking weird but it happened to me the other day. Can't explain it other than standing there while time is moving and I'm physically incapable of moving with it. In some mental state that is moving so quickly all I could see a blur. Surreal shit that you probably never have or will experience. Or maybe we all do and just don't know it.

Does anyone really leave their past. Everything is fine and good one day but the next you wake up and a loved one is gone, how the fuck do you just get up from that. You were fine the day before but for the rest of your life you're "coping." We all cope, we all settle, we all do things just to get by. It's like life has fucked us and we take the minor victories while settling for major losses. There's something fucked up in the way we think, the way I think. I was talking to my Grandma today I said Janet tell me what's the biggest thing you remember in all your life. The memory that stands out the most. She said the day she found out my Grandpa was cheating. They're still together but their marriage is about as lifeless as Adele's relationships. I was thinking, you lived on this earth for 60 odd years, you got 3 kids, 3 grandkids, can't read or write but made a life for yourself, you got cable tv and you got all this good shit going for you but you remember the bad.

I asked myself the same fucking question and what to do you know, I come up with the worst memory I could think of. That's that crippling thing I was telling y'all about. The day you realize things aren't the way they are, the cracks in the foundation are visible and the thing or life you thought you knew is suddenly completely foreign and strange. Yet you use hope, and sometimes faith to cope. For how long? A lifetime if you're my grandma. It's amazing isn't it? You wake up each morning thinking tomorrow will be different, only coming to the conclusion that tomorrow was exactly like yesterday, only disguised differently. We got 7 million different ways to cope with it but not one to fix it. Letting go is impossible, moving on is impossible, coping is the only possible outcome. Most find solace, myself included, in a higher-being, something bigger than tomorrow. Yet happiness isn't in tomorrow, it's in today, so why so we keep waiting for the next day?

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

So Far Gone

It's 2:09am and I can't fucking sleep because of the fucking Yankees so I thought I'd blog. Though me writing an entry like this will most certainly see them lose tomorrow, whatever. This weekend must of been breast cancer awareness week or some shit because I see a lot of pink shit around. A nigga went to Costco to pick up some water and the fucking packaging was all pink and shit. Then you got these Wall St. niggas trying to occupy wall street. No solution but them broke fucks think if they stand on the corner yelling at suits, things are going to change. At this point I'm standing back watching this Occupy Wall St. and this Breast Cancer shit and I'm thinking, what's the fucking point. 

Cancer could and probably is cured already and them Wall St. suits don't give a fuck about you. Think about the billions upon billions of dollars that have gone to cancer research, or something different lets say diabetis, MS, the common fucking cold. All those billions and they ain't solve shit. You want to know why, because solving shit makes no fucking money. That's why you got kids without fucking parents because they died of breast cancer, there is no money in fixing it. I recently called a hospital I won't mention here, questioning the fuck out of them about a procedure that could potentially save millions of lives. After hours on the phone they gave up: "Why solve it for 10k as a 1 time thing when you can prevent it from getting worse at 5k a month for the rest of their lives." That's the type of shit this world is on. Wear all the Pink you want, run the marathons and keep thinking your're making a difference. There needs to be a fundamental change, morality which is all but dead needs to somehow make a return. 

The world is 10% real and 90% heartless fuckers. You're reading this thinking you're one of the real but the numbers don't lie. If you were them you'd probably do the same thing, it'd amaze you at how materialistic one could be. They give me a suit, a nice office overlooking Manhattan, a hot secretary and a private Jet, nigga I'd lie my ass off to those blue collar workers to get that cash. Well I wouldn't but most of you will, trust me. You wouldn't do it as boldly as you think but you'd do it. Then justify it in some fucked up way. Truth is we're born to "take" as a child, the first thing we do is reach for things we can't have. Then we chase money, some get it some don't but we chase it. If you're lucky you become a suit and you get to fuck the world over. If you're not you become a "blue collar" worker and you get to complain about the suits fucking the world over, wishing you were them. In the meantime the judicial system gets worse, lives are taken because people are worth more while dead than alive (ie: cancer) and we live in hope. It doesn't have to be this way though, Puritanism didn't work. Transcendentalism didn't work. Materialism sure as fuck doesn't work but it's what we do. All the while the things that really make us better individuals, the things that make our lives better: morality and individualism is battered down. To a point where it doesn't even matter anymore. "One person with a belief is equal to the force of 100,000 who only have interests" -John Stuart Mill