The Self and the Film

The Self and Film

The ideology that the construction of the self can expand, consume land and generate profit is heightened in the scene in Stagecoach.  The Harder They Come, and Safe both show some sort of revolt of this promoted ideology whereas Hyenas show the detrimental consequences of this ideology. Each of the four clips show a completely different construction of the self though they also relate to globalization or in other words, the sweeping imperialism that is often shown to be good. We are often told that things such as expansion is good as it generates profit and further promotes the construction of the self but these four clips look at the self, via space from a different angle. Stagecoach tells us, through the development of space that we don’t need to worry because we have everything we need. The self will guide us through. The Harder They Come, tell us through space that everything we do, we do for money and when faced with a strong sense of how to obtain money, nothing else matters. The ending of Safe looks at the self from a different angle. Through space, in the mist of turmoil, chaos and a set of crumbling beliefs, one can survive if they just revert back to what brought them into the world in the first place: love. Lastly there is the final scene in Hyenas, which looks at the inexorable problems of the self when the ideology surrounding manifest destiny occurs. In other words, when striving for maximizing profits take place, there is nothing the self can do to stop it. The self has its limits as well.

            The Western in itself, which is based on history, has very little historical concept. However in Stagecoach, this historical context is re-iterated throughout the scene to justify manifest destiny. The dialogue such as “I demand, I’m standing on my league of rights” show exactly how far the self would go in an effort to expand and generate profit. Even the “drunk” solidifies his stance by saying “during the war I fought through shock and shell.” The dialogue in this scene is used to solidify the idea that manifest destiny is indeed the right ideology to go about things. Everyone is situated at a table, the lighting is fairly bright and there are bright shades of white throughout the scene. There are very little shadows, everything is of the same color and everyone is on the same page. Lastly, this notion that manifest is inexorable is exercised throughout the entire scene. One character, looking down almost in despair says “what does it matter” as if the rapid expansion is about to happen no matter what. Then there is another character, the incoherent drunk who is being asked of his opinion. He mentions he’s a fatalist. Everything that happens was always bound to happen by a matter of fate. As mentioned in various class notes, the Western was built on economic opportunities, not the people building the land brick by brick as it is often portrayed. The characters and the way the scene is portrayed (everyone on the same page despite some being happy/depressed) shows that this western is promoting manifest destiny through fatalism.

            Looking at another film, the Harder they come it indeed both embraces and shows the limitation of the ideology surrounding manifest destiny. For starters, the music in the background has the lyrics “robbing and shooting, one day we will rise up.” This is a shot at the imperialism that has taken place and the discontent it brings many people who are involved. As the scene continues, both characters who are wearing accessories beyond belief are talking about money. “ You think you can handle big money,” as they are about to go out and make a collection. This scene in itself is very bright as opposed to the Western. There is no talk of fatalism here, just two guys who seem pleased with the idea of generating profit. The scene then cuts to a close-up of a marijuana plant, a resource that will supposedly generate the profit. Both characters get no their bikes as they are going to collect money. All is well with the self and they are pleased, however as the journey continues and the scene shows the landscape, it is clear that there is an underlying fear.

The song playing in the background has suddenly changed. It went from a notion of fighting against the power to “you can get it if you really want.” One of the characters mentions something about the police getting them. The other alerts him “it’s alright man don’t worry about it.” Their faces when they were about to collect money were pleasant, now it’s in a statement of indecisiveness and insecurity. These are the limits to the self, you can only expand and collect profits for so long before there is a kink in the system. It could be taxes, police or people in a position of power always willing to stop it. The Western looks at everything from a stance that it was meant to happen due to fate. Here, in “The Harder They Come” we see that everything is meant to happen if you’re willing to get it, including expansion. However, this could also end; there are limits to this as it does not pertain to fate.

During the final scene of  “Safe” one could see the impact the outside world has on the self. She is sheltered in a dark room, there is only one bright light, very little space and she seems filled with despair and lack of hope. However she gets up and her back is turned to the cabinet. The cabinet is loaded with products. She looks into the mirror, a direct view of herself and says “ I love you, I really do love you.” Here she is trying to re-iterate the stance that human emotion can overcome any ideology pertaining to profit, rapid expansion, or things viewed as destiny. Here she is looking at herself, as the lighting gets brighter with the progression of the scene, and she repeats the word love. Through that word she is getting strength and this scene shows a critique of the ideology of manifest destiny through the power of human emotion pertaining to the self. Love brought us in the world, love can over-power everything, including the self. Before we think of generating profits, rapid expansion and the idea of destiny, love has the capability of destroying any of these aspects because love is powerful beyond belief. While she does not seem convincing in the scene, she did muster up the strength to get off the bed and look at herself in the mirror. As the scene progressed she got stronger and stronger, which showed flaws in the emotionless systems pertaining to the generation of profit, capitalism, etc.

In the ending of “Hyenas” not only does the scene critique the ideology surrounding manifest destiny but it also shows how destructive the self can me. Here we see the obvious problems with capitalism/globalization. The fact that there are no limits and people are willing to explicitly kill in an effort to gain money is quite alarming. However, as the scene continues the characters continuously state “we are not doing this for money” even though it is clear that it is the motive. The scene repeatedly cuts to a charcter, in red at the top of the mountain looking at this from a point of view shot. This is supposed to represent the self, looking at the chaos and destruction that is taking place. As the scene continues and the man below is killed, the one individual looking up turn from a heightened distance turns his back and walks away. Manifest destiny tells us that the sweeping expansion is done for the greater good, in the name of things like democracy. However, this has nothing to do with democracy, it has everything to do with capitalism and in the eyes of clear destruction, the self turns its back and walks away.

The construction of the self, pertaining to manifest destiny is supposed to expand and create profit, in Hyenas they show the flaws of what occurs when this happens. Morality is thrown out the window and people would do everything they could in an effort to get a dollar, including taking the lives of one of their “own.” This is exactly what occurs in Hyenas and while the man looks down through the point of view shot, he does nothing but walks away once the killing is taken place. Everyone who participated in the killing re-iterated, to themselves in a systematic order that they were not doing this for money. They were doing this in an effort to reassure themselves that their morality is indeed intact and they are doing nothing wrong. Similar to the Westerners who used destiny as an excuse, these characters are using conscience as an excuse. They want to clear their conscience from any wrong-doing and thus they are trying to make themselves think they are doing the right thing.

In all 4 clips, we see the relationship between the self/manifest destiny and the reasoning behind this assumed construction of the self. The Westerners used fatalism and Hyenas used capitalism, though Hyenas showed limits of the self through the point of view shot. Safe showed that human emotion, specifically love, could overpower anything pertaining to rapid expansion and profit while The Harder They Come showed that there is an upside (pursuit of money seemingly equals happiness) and a downside (position of authority, limitation of the self and discontentment) to the ideology surrounding manifest destiny and things the self are supposed to do.

Letter to Dead Troops

I'm sorry. I'm sorry the millions, or whatever figure it is died in vain. November 11th 2011 is supposed to be some sort of remembrance but I'd bet the house that you'd like to forget. Who wouldn't. At 18 years old I was jacking off and watching re-runs to Saved by the Bell while y'all were living your last days. They say you died for my freedom, I'm far from free. They say you died for me but if you met me you sure as hell would wish things were different. If the tables were turned I wouldn't die for you either, it's just human nature. Too much uncertainty to ever conceptualize why you died in the first place. If you died because of Hitler then you know I'm all about causality and I wonder how 1 man got so much power but that's another story. I apologize. 

The world is no better than the way you left it, I often feel responsible so I do everything I can to seal the cracks, to not shy away from my own thoughts an opinions. To be my own. That's where we're similar. Lately I've becoming more acquainted with the idea that this world will be no better than the day I leave it. It's a shame, it's sad. In your time people were getting systematically killed, genocide was occurring and profits were rising to insurmountable levels. Today people are getting systematically killed, genocide exists and the world is burdened with debt while those in a position of power continue to manipulate, exploit, and systematically destroy any aspect of humanity. That's where I sympathize with you. You died so the world could be a better place, it has only gotten worse. You die so people could be more free, instead they are still enslaved. I'm sorry. 

The world has learned nothing from your death and this is nothing short of tragic. You paved the way but instead those who had the power to change steered off the road and formulated their own path. A path filled with destruction, costs, profits, efficiency and debt. A path in which lives are taken at an alarming rate due to things like warfare, cancer, and malicious murders. If there's one thing we were supposed to learn from you, dead soldiers, it was that life no longer had to be the way it was in your time. Instead it's only worse. Millions of people are exploited, misled, and manipulated for economic greed, over consumption, and materialism. If there's one thing you showed me, it was that it didn't have to be this way. What did we do? People are dying just the way you did. Why? I'll never know. When you died, the world was at its lowest point, it has only gotten lower. I'm sorry.

It didn't have to be this way. If there's one thing we both know, we could have lived in peace and harmony. The world does not have to be the way it is today, burdened with death, the mismanagement of lives, the cancer that kills us, the chemicals that destroy us, the human elements that have been replaced by technology. It didn't have to be this way but it is. You died in vein, nothing has changed. Every year someone will sing a gay song, put on a red poppy for a week, think about you for a brief second or two, and then move on with their lives. That's there attempt at feeling like a human and this is mine. The fundamental change of thought we are both seeking is still far away, maybe too far gone and I'm coming to the realization we are one of the same, two different people who will die only to leave the world a worse place than it was when we got here. It isn't our fault and no matter how hard we tried to prevent it, we couldn't. Save a spot for me when you get there. You died in vein and so will I because we're one of the same, we're human.

The Day After I got Sodomized

Imagine you had a girlfriend and all you did was see the good in her. You never saw a flaw, never fought with her, she could do no wrong. You know how fucking shitty that relationship with be? People are never questioning Sir Alex, never questioning the team. Nah fuck that. When my alarm rings at 7am in the fucking morning and I wake my ass up to see us thump Liverpool. Our fucking side was comparable to that of an MLS roster. With Welbeck up front and everyone else doing fuck all for 70 fucking minutes. We were lucky. We been lucky playing like absolute shit for the last month. So complacent, so unmotivated, so disinterested. Fuck you Manchester United for fucking Me. Wake up 8:30 the next week thinking today is going to be a new day. Damn right it was, I got fucked up my ass like I never felt before (no homo.) 6-1, when stupid cunt fucking Jonny decided to be lazy and the team gave up.

To make matters worse you got fuck boy James Sharman asking why fans are leaving. They paid their money, they traveled, they brought their colors and their support. It's 3-0 with 20 minutes to go and our side has offered NOTHING the entire fucking game. Why stay? It's the equivalent of a 10-0 ball game in the bottom of the 7th, who the fuck cares what the fan does. Everybody always concerned with the fans, everybody always concerned with Arsenal, or when Chelsea shits the bed, when we do it people blame the fans, the kit-man, or we look at Liverpool for consolation. No fuck that, SAF has got it wrong for a bit now, tinkering with the fucking lineup. We have Berbatov who is rotting away on the bench never for who knows what. We got a defense that was turned inside out and we got mauled by a squad who were 1000x better than us. I could admit that, with a 26 goal differential and the absolute mauling we were handed at this point in time City are better than us, I don't believe that will last but action speaks louder than words. 

We were fucking shit. As fans we invest in the team expecting some sort of return, these past 2 weeks it has been anything but. SAF has gotten it wrong yet again and I am not afraid to question this team when shit goes wrong. It's like God, I blame that nigga for the good and wrong in my life. It's like a girlfriend, we argue we love, we fight, we fuss but it's all love. Same goes for you, United. Fuck you for wasting my time. Next week when you destroy Everton, we'll kiss and make up. I rather have had Steve Jobs out there than most of you against City, it is what it is. Life sucks and you fucking move on. Well done City, had the score been reversed I would have been all over you. We need to get our shit together and United are the only ones to blame, like history suggests we'll turn it around, but until then, fuck you for fucking me. See you next week.

Ps: Even though I'm on the receiving end, Six and The City, is pretty good slander, I could admit that.

Word

Watch this

An Open Letter to the People of Liverpool

Before we begin if you want to hear my sexy voice on the Craig Ballard Sportstalk show click here, I'm at the 26th-30th min mark and you could check out his show every Thursday from 9-10 : bit.ly/nICV8p

Also check out this link: The Real Liverpool

You know I've realized, I haven't been true to myself. I haven't stated my true opinion on how I feel about things/people for a long time, so here goes. Tomorrow Liverpool faces Manchester United, a rivalry that has gone back to the times when Shakespeare was a faggot in tights. But it goes deeper than that, Here goes: 

To the People of Liverpool that reside in Toronto,

If Toronto is any reflection who you really are, then I truly feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for you, your kids, the wide, putrid-smelling hole you came true. I feel sorry for your neighbors and the people who have to tolerate you at work. You are nothing more than scum. Tomorrow, win or lose, Manchester United will be just fine. But you, Liverpudlians will still be suffering. You will still have people claiming your city in fake accents at Toronto FC games. You will still have people on message boards who say they have something for me when we meet, but everytime I see them they always extend a handshake. You will still be dying for the acceptance of others.

People die everyday. We all remember what happened to us in Munich, we honor the dead once a year and move on. Of course that doesn't happen in Liverpool. Every fucking day we have to hear about Hillsborough or Heysel to the point where the dead probably don't want to here you cry about it. Boo fucking whoo, a stadium collapsed and 96 people lost their lives in 1985. Nigga, a billion people died when the towers collapsed and we don't hear about that shit everyday. What the fuck is wrong with you inbreds. Justice for 96 nigga please get off the government benefits and get a job. But you won't, you can be located at Anfield Stadium, or for whatever reason Toronto FC messageboards. Crying because I dissed your ugly wives or told you she should use mouth wash because she gets passed around.

You're more concerned with what United thinks than you are concerned about winning. You are a shred of what you once were, barely capable of calling yourself a human being because you just don't fit in. You're a failure, a loser, a reject. You know who most of you Liverpudlians are. You know how once every blue moon there's a chick in Walmart bout 400lbs and she rides the handicap cart even though she isn't handicapped. You're the type to take that chick to the bathroom of Walmart, undress her, toss her salad, give her a hug and call it a day. You people are the type who ask your old ladies to do you with a strap on. You're the type who think you're in a relationship with someone because she "liked your post" on facebook.

Tomorrow, win or lose nothing will change. You'll always be who you are, it isn't an exception instead it's the norm. You'll always be insecure, trying to fit in with other like-minded individuals like yourself. You could be found at TFC games cheering for a team that is going 0-32, meanwhile your wife is sucking the dick of 5 African niggas, all named "Abdi and Solomon." You'll always have that elitist ideology failing to come to the realization that you're actually a part of society's lowest. You will always feel the need to re-establish your presence by singing "You'll Never Walk Alone" failing to realize that Rodgers and Hammerstein wrote that song for people in same-sex relationships who like to partake in beastiality. Liverpool, you will remain nothing more than scum and so will your kids and their kids and their kids. It's written in the scriptures, all your mothers fucked Sloth's ancestors from the Goonies and this is what happened.

Reggie, Ryan and KD all void from slander lmao it don't apply to them, peace.

This really happened

Man I must have really done something bad in a previous life. You know I make a conscious effort not to complain but shit now all I do is saw "wow." Bad investments, terrible grades, deaths you name it, it has all happened in the last month. But this right here sums it up. See I don't know how I could even put what I'm about to say into any sense. It's shit like this I've been dealing with on a daily basis.

In Trinidad we have this thing called "Obeah" and its practiced by I'd say 1% of the population. Pretty much voodoo/black magic. None of my family or anything do this shit but that's just something that a bunch of weird folks follow. A full explanation of obeah can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obeah

So today I'm at the fam's house running errands, back and forth trips to the airport etc. Man I havent had a good meal in forever, scrambled tofu today was what I made this morning and I lived off it. Anyway as you can see I'm busy and worn out. But a relative, I'd like to say a Great Uncle, I know we related but I don't know how, well he was close with my deceased cousin. He said he wanted to go to the crematorium to finalize the arrangements and blah blah blah. No worries I been doing this all day, my mom asks me to take him. I live on the East side of Toronto. I stop eating the tofu which really tastes terrible but it's the best thing I had in days so I was enjoying that shit. Anyways I stopped eating it, get in the car and drive to the west side. Pick the dude up, and we drive to Newmarket, Ontario to the crematorium place. Newmarket is fucking far man. 

Dude said he'd only be a minute so I said alright I'll wait in the car. An hour passed dude's no where to be found. I figure I'll go look for him, I go inside the place and ask where is he at. The lady said there was no one by that name who came here today. I'm thinking what the fuck. I go to the cemetery next door. I see him doing something in a corner of the cemetery. I'm thinking what the fuck. There he is, digging a hole, and as I get there he smashes an egg into a sock and throws the eggs and the sock into the hole. I yell at him like dude what the fuck are you doing. He was doing some ritual pertaining to obeah. Words can't describe how angry I am. On top of the shitty 54% mark I got today on something those dumbfucks should have given me a 70% for, I drive for hours so this nigga could crack eggs in a sock and throw it into a hole. Think of the shit I could have got in with the cemetery. Unbelievable. Hours of fucking traffic so this dude could do that. It's so bad all I could do is say "wow" and laugh, lmao surely this is rock bottom, I hope.

What's in A Life

My cousin passed away on Sunday. I appreciate all the love and support that was sent my way these last few days. Even the cliche "I'm sure he was a good man." Truth is he wasn't, I'm pretty sure he spent half his life locked up for murder but no one ever talks bout that lmao so I don't either. If I'm God I think it's even a toss up if he made it into heaven lmao the fuck did he do besides possibly kill someone and rip people off selling shitty used car parts as new. Nah but I do appreciate all y'all have said to me these last few days. I don't really care to talk about it though, I want to talk about sandwiches. See the picture on the left, you know how much that shit worth. $1100. Word. After being in and out of funeral homes and stuff this weekend making arrangements and stuff with his son, the funeral home charges $1100 for sandwiches/refreshments after the funeral. 

You know how much shit I could buy with $1100. Oh and if you want to get burned in clothes that ain't the standard crematorium stuff it's $1800. If you want flowers it's another 4 bills. That's 3300 just to start, or like 18 prostitutes for an hour, using standard rates lmao. I'll miss the nigga though, he used to spit knowledge, real life shit. He was like me, a dude who never listened to his own advice, ever, but gave the best of it. The dude still aint worth $1100 for sandwiches though. The whole funeral shit is useless by the way, well at least for people from the Caribbean. I don't know how it is in other cultures but over here it's a party for like 1-2 weeks. Which is cool but ain't no body who really misses the dude feels like partying. You got a bunch of rejects coming into the crib, drinking your beer, eating cheese-paste sandwiches and playing music, for "support" of the dead. 

The nigga's dead and gone he don't need your support. The family is grieving they don't need you. When I die I'm requesting they carry my body to science somewhere or just blow it up and put it on youtube. I don't want any money to be spent on me, I want some twisted fuck to take it and either give it to a university to cut up and shit, or do something cool with it like blow it up. I don't want to become worm food and after being in a funeral home this weekend I want to be far the fuck away from everyone else. I was thinking, why the fuck would I need a funeral. I hate conformity, I hate organized settings, fuck all that shit. Don't mind me lmao I'm just venting nonsense taking my mind off the inevitable. I don't even own a fucking suit I gotta go get one. I wish I could rock a pimp suit but I'd have even more problems with my mom lmao, I'm out y'all, stay safe and remember, sandwiches cost $1100 when you're dead so enjoy the fuck out of them now.

Random Thoughts from a Drunken Rambler

It's 3:30am and I'm up. For starters I'm wasted and trying to not make spelling mistakes. I'm sitting here watching Rugby. I don't know how Rugby works, I get a bit of it but I'm up because McDonalds breakfast doesn't start til 6, so I figure I could watch this for 2 hours, walk the 2 miles to McDonalds, have breakfast and walk home. Anyone know where I could get a stream to "Once Were Warriors." It's a New Zealand movie where dude beats the shit out of his wife and even though it hits close to home and bothers me I seriously want to see it again. I had a chocolate chip cookie the other day and it was amazing, not even a whole one but just a piece. What was amazing about this was how much happiness it brought me. 

Heaven in a bite. Seriously it ranks up there with the best things I've ever tasted, just pure perfection. Brought a smile to my face. I don't really fuck with the white people no more I need a new race to fuck with, send suggestions. I want a girl that doesn't speak English and just is a glorified "yes Sir" type of chick. Wouldn't that be amazing. Lil Caesars officially got the best pizza in the world, shit is lethal. It really is the small things in life. The smile from someone you didn't expect it from. The chocolate chip cookie, the "I love you" I get every single day of my life from people I've never even met. Feels great even on my worse days and I've had a my fair share of those.

Being wasted is only fun up until a certain point and then it's like jeez what the fuck did you do? Its been years since I had tap-water, fuck I'm really becoming white. Tap water tastes like aids, I don't care if they say bottled water is more dangerous it don't taste like ass. This weather sucks, like seriously. Dark cold and miserable, like most of these girls in Toronto lmao. Does Walmart sell Sushi? They did in Mexico and it was pretty fucking good, is Walmart even 24/7 here? I'd bus there right now to get some bomb ass sushi with the soy saurce and the green shit that tastes like ass when you have too much of it. Alright I'm out, too hard to type lmao peace. 

Curtains

I told y'all I don't give a fuck about my audience and this is one of those "oh no I think he's suicidal blogs." Trust me I'm not I'm just thinking, allow me to breathe niggas. The hardest things I've ever had to deal with in life is coming to the realization that things aren't the way I thought they were, are, or going to be. It has some sort of crippling effect, worse than dealing with death, divorce, or persecution. See there's causality in all those things, in the shit I'm trying to explain there really isn't. No cause and effect, just one day being forced with the reality that your reality wasn't really real in the first place. Damn I'm good. So you try to fight it, you stay occupied, you jump out of the past, you pretend it doesn't bother you but you can't get away. Until you're in some state where you're just there and everything is passing you by, but you're standing still. Fucking weird but it happened to me the other day. Can't explain it other than standing there while time is moving and I'm physically incapable of moving with it. In some mental state that is moving so quickly all I could see a blur. Surreal shit that you probably never have or will experience. Or maybe we all do and just don't know it.

Does anyone really leave their past. Everything is fine and good one day but the next you wake up and a loved one is gone, how the fuck do you just get up from that. You were fine the day before but for the rest of your life you're "coping." We all cope, we all settle, we all do things just to get by. It's like life has fucked us and we take the minor victories while settling for major losses. There's something fucked up in the way we think, the way I think. I was talking to my Grandma today I said Janet tell me what's the biggest thing you remember in all your life. The memory that stands out the most. She said the day she found out my Grandpa was cheating. They're still together but their marriage is about as lifeless as Adele's relationships. I was thinking, you lived on this earth for 60 odd years, you got 3 kids, 3 grandkids, can't read or write but made a life for yourself, you got cable tv and you got all this good shit going for you but you remember the bad.

I asked myself the same fucking question and what to do you know, I come up with the worst memory I could think of. That's that crippling thing I was telling y'all about. The day you realize things aren't the way they are, the cracks in the foundation are visible and the thing or life you thought you knew is suddenly completely foreign and strange. Yet you use hope, and sometimes faith to cope. For how long? A lifetime if you're my grandma. It's amazing isn't it? You wake up each morning thinking tomorrow will be different, only coming to the conclusion that tomorrow was exactly like yesterday, only disguised differently. We got 7 million different ways to cope with it but not one to fix it. Letting go is impossible, moving on is impossible, coping is the only possible outcome. Most find solace, myself included, in a higher-being, something bigger than tomorrow. Yet happiness isn't in tomorrow, it's in today, so why so we keep waiting for the next day?

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

So Far Gone

It's 2:09am and I can't fucking sleep because of the fucking Yankees so I thought I'd blog. Though me writing an entry like this will most certainly see them lose tomorrow, whatever. This weekend must of been breast cancer awareness week or some shit because I see a lot of pink shit around. A nigga went to Costco to pick up some water and the fucking packaging was all pink and shit. Then you got these Wall St. niggas trying to occupy wall street. No solution but them broke fucks think if they stand on the corner yelling at suits, things are going to change. At this point I'm standing back watching this Occupy Wall St. and this Breast Cancer shit and I'm thinking, what's the fucking point. 

Cancer could and probably is cured already and them Wall St. suits don't give a fuck about you. Think about the billions upon billions of dollars that have gone to cancer research, or something different lets say diabetis, MS, the common fucking cold. All those billions and they ain't solve shit. You want to know why, because solving shit makes no fucking money. That's why you got kids without fucking parents because they died of breast cancer, there is no money in fixing it. I recently called a hospital I won't mention here, questioning the fuck out of them about a procedure that could potentially save millions of lives. After hours on the phone they gave up: "Why solve it for 10k as a 1 time thing when you can prevent it from getting worse at 5k a month for the rest of their lives." That's the type of shit this world is on. Wear all the Pink you want, run the marathons and keep thinking your're making a difference. There needs to be a fundamental change, morality which is all but dead needs to somehow make a return. 

The world is 10% real and 90% heartless fuckers. You're reading this thinking you're one of the real but the numbers don't lie. If you were them you'd probably do the same thing, it'd amaze you at how materialistic one could be. They give me a suit, a nice office overlooking Manhattan, a hot secretary and a private Jet, nigga I'd lie my ass off to those blue collar workers to get that cash. Well I wouldn't but most of you will, trust me. You wouldn't do it as boldly as you think but you'd do it. Then justify it in some fucked up way. Truth is we're born to "take" as a child, the first thing we do is reach for things we can't have. Then we chase money, some get it some don't but we chase it. If you're lucky you become a suit and you get to fuck the world over. If you're not you become a "blue collar" worker and you get to complain about the suits fucking the world over, wishing you were them. In the meantime the judicial system gets worse, lives are taken because people are worth more while dead than alive (ie: cancer) and we live in hope. It doesn't have to be this way though, Puritanism didn't work. Transcendentalism didn't work. Materialism sure as fuck doesn't work but it's what we do. All the while the things that really make us better individuals, the things that make our lives better: morality and individualism is battered down. To a point where it doesn't even matter anymore. "One person with a belief is equal to the force of 100,000 who only have interests" -John Stuart Mill

The Sports Guide To Successful Relationships

The MLB playoffs are about to start and this shit means more to most than religion, the birth of their first child, and their wedding combined. If I have a girlfriend around this time of year I always end up fucking things up, well blame that on the Yankees. But last year I had a hot semi-famous bird who was kind of stupid and then the Yankees lost and I started yelling at her because she wouldn't leave me alone and then I called her a dick sucking whore and I wish she was back in Halifax because she was a shitty journalist and even shittier in the bed. That's pretty much what happened so here are some steps for everyone to avoid the sports "breakup." I'm speaking to someone, specifically but I'm sure some of y'all could pass this onto your girls:

1) If the Yankees lose don't talk to me for 3 hours after the game unless I speak to you. In other words emotions run high and I want to be left the fuck alone. There are no barriers, I will bring up your bald ass cat and how she's a faggot if you bother me when the Yankees lose.

2) Everytime the Yankees win, I expect something. Sex would be asking too much but I dead ass expect something. Victory and box goes well together, skype, cyber, sex, head, a meal, whatever I want fucking incentives heaux. 

3) If the Yankees win the world series, instant sex. Make it a night to remember, you HAVE to get pussy when you win the world series, it's in the Bible, Quran, and Torah man don't test God. 

4) If Derek Jeter grounds out to shortstop more than 2x a game, expect a hateful text. I want to hate Jeter but I can't, so I'm going to hate your ass instead.

5) If we lose in 7 games in the world series, expect every single one of your flaws to be exploited. I've been down this road before. 2001 still lingers in my mind. I have to compensate for it, so I'll pick on you, relentlessly. 

6) Always remember: 1) Yankees 2) You. Don't ever mistake it or think you're above the Yankees, or you'll fail as a partner and we'll fail miserably.

7) If Yanks win the world series I might say shit like "I want to Marry you." or " You're the one." It isn't true, I'm just enjoying the "high." So Don't take it to heart.

8) If Mariano Rivera blows a save, I'm going to ruin something you made. It could be a card, your clothes, your Dior lipstick that you love I don't give a fuck I'm going to smash it then will listen to Selena Gomez. 

9) If you aren't praying for the Yankees every night, let us just call it quits now. 

10) If we win, expect me to be arrogant, cocky, and flirt with your family members (again). If we lose, expect be to be bitter, annoying, and flirting with your family members (again) 

There you have it, I laid down the law and I ain't playing, just test me heaux.

I Blame Adele

I think my ex girl wants me killed. Everytime we talk she's bitter and lifeless and tries to be funny but just isn't and it's always a painful experience. For her anyway I find that shit hilarious. Well we hooked up sometime in August I think, I'd like to think mid-August before I went to Mexico. It was a one time thing lmao keeping in mind we broke up mid June. I don't really talk to her everyday more like 2x a month, if that. She pretends to be busy but every 2 weeks or so I'll hit her up and she'll be around the next day lmao. Well things kinda died off so I haven't heard from her in a while.

The other day, this scorned women re-appears from the depths of society ( I dunno what that means but it sounded fitting) and she's questioning me about Craigslist. As some of you know my 9-5 business is on craigslist so I'm wondering if she knows what I do for a living lmao and I'm starting to get worried like what the fuck did she see. I got no idea what she's talking about. Another sign of a scorned woman, she lets it go " oh, okay." 5 minutes later "Let's try this again." So frustrating and I heard through the grapevine, nevermind I dunno who reads this lmao. She questions me about something I did on craigslist, I was basically playing a prank with someone who needed a girlfriend and I sent him the details to my ex girl. That shit happened on twitter on September 6th. I've tweeted like 10000x since then. How scorned does 1 have to be to wake up, first of all you can't be getting good dick or any dick at all if you doing shit like this. But how angry does one have to be to wake up 1 morning and just go through hundreds upon hundreds of tweets all the way from early September.

The good news in all of this is the box is still mine if I ever wanted it, why else would you stalk someone who ended things 3 months ago. The bad news is this girl is insane. But is she normal? See I blame Adele. Adele dropped 2 albums. Let's say 17 songs an album, that's 34 songs. With the exception of Hometown Glory, this white talented Hippo got 33 songs crying about a dude. She got y'all girls fucked up. Once the relationship is over I move the fuck on but there's people in this world in dark ass rooms going through pages upon pages of social networking messages looking for "evidence." " I just wanted to see what was up and I saw that." LMAO nigga you might as well say " I miss your dick and I failed at life." I ain't bitter or anything though I got no ill will towards my ex (I don't think she'll ever read this but just incase I don't need more evidence against me.) But seriously, Adele fucked y'all up thinking it's okay to chase pavements, roll in the deep, and set fire to rain lmao.

The System Failed

I wanted to speak on some funny shit but this stuff been on my mind so I thought I'd share. Check this article: http://www.thestar.com/news/article/1059479--disabled-pickering-boy-took-his-own-life-after-he-was-mugged-and-bullied?bn=1

11 years old, mom dead with cancer, a disease that will slowly but surely leave you paralyzed, and on top of that someone bashed your head in for a fucking Iphone. But it gets worse, the feds force you to testify against a 12 year old, who probably been hurt himself, will get out in 6 months and still beat your ass. This world just ain't fucking fair, at all. But like I always said, this shit is intrinsic. We know how to fix it we just choose not to. It's easy to view a story like this, feel sorry for the kid and move on with your life. It's harder to read a story like this, place yourself in the situation of the kid and wonder about the causality. The other day I was thinking about the whole ideology surrounding suicide. I consider myself blessed I've never contemplated it, ever but there are people who have. There are people who make that decision to end their lives, no matter the cost for permanent relief of temporary pain. But it goes deeper than that. People kill themselves everyday unable to cope, you could look at different causes like divorce or debt but I've always felt there's something underlying, something so catastrophic in their eyes death is the only way out.

An 11 year old kills himself though and we got a problem. But no one knows about it. You turn on the news and you'll hear shit about rising gas prices, the Michael Jackson trial, Nancy Grace on Dancing with the Stars. An 11 year old kills himself 3 weeks ago and this shit now becoming news because it's a slow news day. You're telling me the school system couldn't do anything for a kid who was robbed? No teacher couldn't see that this boy needed help. Dude said he'd rather die and the cops still asked him to testify. You go to school, you get your degree, you try to get a reasonable GPA and then you work in a cubicle but the system is flawed. For every success story there are thousands of stories like this which just get swept under the rug. A kid whose balls ain't even drop yet kills himself and not one motherfucker will do anything in an effort to change it. Those in a position of power will blame the kids who mugged him. The kid who mugged him were 12, you can't blame a 12 year old for this fucking mess. Where are the programs to help a kid who been getting bullied to the point of suicide. Where are the programs to help a kid whose mother just died?

"high-risk time for youth and teen suicide, which remains the second-leading cause of death for Canadians aged 10 to 24."

 People out here killing themselves but the schools won't mind so long as they get passing rates from kids doing provincial wide testing. Bullying won't ever stop but when you got 10 year olds offing themselves, this is a major problem that needs to be dealt with asap. But instead those in a position to make the changes won't. We live in a harsh society and everyday it gets colder because we're so consumed with shit that doesn't make a difference, we fail to see what's really there: scarred souls, blood, tears, and death. But fuck it, focusing on the trial of a pedophile that was drugged is much more important that children who never got the chance to live. 

Caught Between 2 Worlds

Cleveland it was a great weekend thanks for all those who came out and I hope y'all had a blast. Indians game, UFC, and the Browns game was all crazy. Cleveland made me realize something. The world is the way it is for a reason. I read about social inequalities and things like how 1% of the world holds 99% of the world's monetary-related resources and shit like that. I've never believed in egalitarianism but all this time I've been blaming the government for being immoral, twisted and corrupt fucks. Which is fucking true in every sense of the word. But then I realized that the world is the way it is for a reason. 

I seen more face tats, guns, and wretched dark ass women more than I've ever seen in my life. Shout out to East Cleveland though lmao. If we change the distribution of wealth and give more to people like a nigga with a batman tattoo on his face, then the world will get even worse. What the world needs, before this Occupy Wall Street stuff and before any changes occur is a fundamental change of ideologies. This shit will take centuries to change. I saw people working a hard earned 9-5, the blacks blessed with jobs, they got off their work and headed straight to footlocker. God ain't going to save your ass with Jordans and a "Only God Can Judge Me" tattoo on your face nigga. The world wasn't designed to be equal for reasons like this. People are suffering day in and day out and the suits laugh but change comes from within. Yes, the system failed us as blacks but we're not helping the cause, we continue to play the role they told us we would play. 

It starts and ends with education. But even that's marred with debt. You occupy Wall Street then niggas with face tats get money and they go and buy more stupid shit. You try to better yourselves then you're faced with 80k worth of debt before you know it and you probably still won't get a job. It starts with having 2 parents, a desire to learn and better yourselves, a government who truly cares, citizens who truly want the best for each other and a lack of desires from a materialist standpoint. Fundamental change in the way we think is the only plan that will work and even before that kicks in I'll be long dead so why the fuck do I care. So fuck it, do whatever the fuck you want so long as the white girls prosper and the Yankees continue to win.

Reassurance

I'm amazed at how much people do for the approval of others. It's like most people are programmed to fill a need of reassurance. They need that approval, they need to solidify their own thoughts and beliefs with the opinions and perception of someone who doesn't even know them. I'm at Pearson Airport a few weeks ago, hung over like a motherfucker and thinking about the million things I'd rather be doing than standing in an airport line. Then I noticed it was all around me. I was surrounded by people who needed that reassurance from everyone else in an effort to make themselves feel better. 

There I was in a line and families were crying as their loved ones went away. Keep in mind this was for flights to the US. Big fucking deal your Uncle Ted who probable spends his time jacking off to foot fetish porn is going back to Dallas where we could jack off in peace. Big fucking deal your daughter is headed to Florida State where she'll be plowed by 6 black men with dreads wearing week-old deodorant in the first 10 days. But there was this couple there who couldn't stop crying. The chick was going away and she kept holding him, touching him, blah blah blah. Finally they break up the "look at me I'm happy" meeting and they separated. She's in tears, he's now gone. I had to find out what was up so I ask her what's going on. She said she's doing a semester in Texas for the fuck of it. No one goes to school for the "fuck of it." I dig deeper, still not content with any of her answers and before you know it she knows that I know she's lying. Met someone on facebook :)

That's 90% of humans right there. They ain't shit. They'll pretend to be happy, they'll pretend to be moral, they'll pretend to slow down when the light turns yellow, but deep down they're a dick sucking whore. In a few days after she fucks Mr. Facebook she'll justify it in some shitty way, to herself of course. "Oh, I wasn't content." "Oh, I've had a rough life I didn't know what to do." Nah whore you were just being the dick sucking whore you told yourself you'd never be. Here's how you alleviate all this shit. You love yourself. You know what's hilarious though, people only cheat because of 2 reasons. 1) They are not content with their partner (a rare case) 2) They are insecure and hate themselves (90% of all humans). The want to feel loved by anyone, even someone with an inverted penis and bad breath. That's how people see themselves, as nothing. Then what happens is they fuck up everything they had. Hence why I'm better than most of y'all lmao. I look in the mirror and see flaws of perfection, so that's what this blog was about, fuck you and fuck your insecure ass who blames everyone else for the perfect imperfections that will haunt you til the day you die, if you're one of "them."

I'm out, peace.

Back For The First Time

I couldn't help myself. The last blog got me in trouble, this blog will get me in some trouble, but it's in me to write. I don't know anything about form, like when or why, or what I'll write. I don't give a fuck about my audience though. I don't give a fuck about the money, though the last time I did this I made more than enough, even if it were spent on lawyers lmao. But fuck it I'm back at it, this time it's going to be different though. I'm no longer forcing shit and I'm no longer listening to anybody but myself. To sum it up: This is God given and if you believe otherwise, suck my dick.

I planned my funeral. Don't ask me why, I just planned it. It's not that I think I'm dying though my blood pressure might hint otherwise lmao. I don't fear death either, though I do fear handling death. But I planned my funeral, in depth. If one of y'all, and I'm sure there's a few of y'all that will outlive me, remember this. This might sound depressing to y'all but this excites me. I've worked briefly in this industry so I've seen it all. Here's what I want my funeral to be like:

Ideally, I don't want to be worm food, or burnt, fuck fire. I want to be in a crypt. If that shit's too expensive though, just burn me. I don't care how old I am, I want fuckin Hip-Hop, Arcade Fire, Queen, and Selena Gomez to be playing during that funeral ceremony/party/whatever the fuck you want to call it. Nothing in a church either I don't fuck with the church. I'd like a stripper there. She doesn't have to dance, I'd prefer if she was dressed normally but I'd like a stripper there. While everybody crying and shit I'd feel at peace with someone who doesn't know me or give a fuck about me there to alleviate that shitty aura. If I die in the summertime I'll have a dress code: Summer dresses for the chicks and the dudes could just rock a tee and jeans or shorts. No suits I don't care what season. I wish this shit was invite only but I don't think I have control over that. 

Whoever is speaking and shit I want them to speak the truth. I don't want to hear that "He was a great man who wouldn't hurt a soul." Truth is I'd hurt a soul, again and again. I want the truth, I don't care if they go up there and say he's a dicksucking faggot, so long as they believed what they said, it's all I care about. Oh and I want NO healthy food to be served at the wake/ceremony. Fries, fried chicken, kool-aid, pizza, chinese food. I want to go in the shittiest casket available, something similar to cardboard. Fuck age, I want to be dressed in a white tee, black jeans, Yankee fitted, and Jordans. Oh and If someone would be so kind to drop a few bottles of Blue Moon, and a few pictures with Savanna Sampson, it would be highly appreciated. Thanks.

It feels fucking GREAT to be back, I'm out, peace.